have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize