you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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