Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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