ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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