god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
