Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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