Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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