you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
