I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
