She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
