I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
