The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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