Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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