I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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