Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
