I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize