then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
a search helicopter?!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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