I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
