There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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