Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
