So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
