absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize