She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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