Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
