ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
