u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i've created a new STD.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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