Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
