I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
