Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
