I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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