I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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