There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
