you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
