every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize