i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
