You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
