your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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