I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
