i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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