hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
