is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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