he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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