I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
