sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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