i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
