I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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