he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
