So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
