who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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