Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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