My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
