I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
