I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
