omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
