Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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