You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
