So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
