mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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