I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
