After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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