I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can feel your judgement through the phone
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
