guys are only as good as the porn they watch
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You are a genius and a whore.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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