how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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