i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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