bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
