at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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