He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
